Self Compassion and Mindfulness

Mental Health Series – Self Compassion and Mindfulness

Parents will sacrifice their physical and emotional well-being to make sure that their children receive the care they need. If your child happens to have complex needs, this type of parenting is considered “intense”. I know what you are thinking. How will I ever fit in any time to take care of myself? With all the meetings and appointments, day-to-day care, exhaustion from not sleeping, and a multitude of other reasons, there is no way you can fit in such a “luxury.” But you must try to stay well, mentally, and physically, because sometimes coffee and a bubble bath are just not going to cut it.

Self-Compassion

If I asked you if you have had unkind thoughts about your abilities as a parent trying to navigate this new world, what would you say? Have you been hard on yourself? Have you thought that you should be doing more? Trying harder? Is all that pressure you are putting on yourself, causing you more stress? If you answer yes, then you might want to give self-compassion a try. Self-compassion, a concept that stems from Buddhist philosophy, involves being kind to yourself in supportive and understanding ways. It can help reduce anxiety and depression. It helps remind you that you do not have to be perfect, and lets you accept where you are, doing the best that you can do. Why are we so hard on ourselves?

There is research that suggests that self-compassion can be a positive internal coping mechanism for parents with children with intellectual and developmental disabilities. We can be self-critical, sometimes isolated, and rarely take time to care for ourselves. Our minds overrun with negative thoughts and emotions, which just ramps up our stress levels. Practicing self-compassion may help buffer some of these challenges. When you are hard on yourself, staying awake and overthinking your efforts, ask yourself what advice you would give to someone you loved and cared about who was in your position. Would you be as hard on them as you are to yourself? Of course not. Offer that same love and compassion to yourself. Today, you are enough.

Here is a place to start learning how to cultivate this significant protective factor.

Visit: self-compassion.org

Mindfulness

While it may have its roots in Buddhist practise, mindfulness has become more popular and well-studied for its stress-reducing benefits, particularly for parents raising children with disabilities. Mindfulness can help you learn to be more self-aware, reduce stress and anxiety, and help you cope with confusing or unhelpful thoughts.

What exactly is mindfulness? Mindfulness is simply a way for you to learn to practice being present in the moment. It is recognizing how we are feeling, becoming more aware of our thoughts, emotions, and feelings without judgement or reaction. It is about practicing acceptance. Mindfulness offers a way to escape the things that we are worrying about, if only for a little while. It can be as simple as taking time each day to practice deep breathing.  You can download apps for your phone, such as Headspace, Calm or Mindshift to helppractice mindfulness. Mindfulness practice might look like meditation, yoga, or body scanning. There are many ways to begin gently working yourself towards mindful practices that are simple and free. You can even eat mindfully. For example—pay attention to what you are eating—the shape, texture, taste—every aspect of the process. Focus only on what you are doing for the entire time you are doing it. The point of doing something as simple as this is to remove yourself temporarily from whatever negative chatter is going on in your head and put you right into the beautiful and calming thing you are enjoying at that moment.

Studies are beginning to show that mindfulness practices are effective at enhancing the psychological well-being of parents of children with disabilities. It can help parents who feel overwhelmed by their child’s current and future challenges by strengthening inner resources, building psychological resilience, helping parents with acceptance and increasing a parent’s ability to tolerate uncertainty. When you combine mindfulness with cognitive behavioural therapy, it can help increase attention over distressing thoughts, especially where parents are struggling with change and acceptance. Practicing every day may help reduce the physical symptoms of tension and anxiety.

Want to learn more? Start with mindful.org and then research “mindfulness exercises” for lots of freely available videos, exercises and practices online that will help you find your zen.

Mindfulness is not easy to start, but the benefits are huge! Have you tried it? Share your challenges or successes in the comment section!